There was a time when chivalry meant throwing your coat over a puddle so a woman wouldn’t have to step in it. Today, she would probably just look at you crazy and walk around it. Times change, and so do the rules. But here’s the thing, chivalry isn’t dead, it just evolved.

Men still want to know what is expected of them in dating, and women still appreciate a man with manners. The key is knowing what actually matters and what makes you look outdated, corny, or like you are trying too hard. So let’s talk about it. What parts of chivalry still hold weight, and what needs to be left in the past.

1. What HE Does Differently

When I say HE, I mean HIM. When I say HIM, I mean a High Integrity Man. A lot of guys think chivalry is about throwing money around. Paying the bill, buying gifts, flexing status. But HE knows real chivalry is about effort and energy, not just spending money.

They open doors, but not just for dates. They open doors for old ladies, their homies, anybody walking behind them. It is a mindset, not a performance.

They make plans. No woman wants to hear “what do you wanna do tonight?” for the fifth time in a row. HE knows how to take the lead without being controlling.

They read the room. Some women love grand gestures. Others cringe at them. The difference between being smooth and being awkward is knowing when to do what.

They make her feel safe. This one is big. Walking her to her car, making sure she gets home, knowing how to move in public spaces. That’s real chivalry.

I remember being on a date at TAO in Los Angeles, and at one point she pointed out that it was obvious I wasn’t from LA. I was talking to the waiter, cracking little jokes, just being social. She laughed and said, people don’t really do that here. It was a great date overall, but looking back, I think I fumbled it. I was nervous & I didn’t make her laugh enough. I also don’t think I made her feel wanted enough, I was moving more like a platonic friend, but that’s a story for another time..

2. The Difference Between Being a Gentleman and Being Corny

Being a gentleman is attractive. Being corny is trying too hard. The line between them is how natural it feels.

Gentleman. Pulls out a chair in a way that feels smooth and effortless.

Corny. Pulls out a chair like he saw it in an old movie and is waiting for applause.

Gentleman. Pays the bill without making a big deal about it.

Corny. Pays the bill while making a speech about how men should always cover dinner.

Gentleman. Gives compliments that feel personal and genuine.

Corny. Uses lines that sound copy pasted from Instagram captions.

The energy behind what you do matters just as much as the action itself.

3. Do Women Actually Want Traditional Chivalry, or is Effort and Intention the New Standard

Most women aren’t sitting around wishing men would bring back top hats and pocket watches. What they do want is a man who pays attention, puts in effort, and moves with intention.

Effort is noticing the small things. The way she likes her coffee, the song she mentioned last week, the kind of flowers she actually likes, not just roses because that’s what everyone does.

Intention is about showing up the right way. Calling instead of just texting all day, planning dates instead of just linking up, moving with confidence instead of waiting for permission.

Women want to feel considered. They want to feel like you’re paying attention. That’s what modern chivalry looks like.

I was recently complimented on how respectful and polite I am. Her exact words were:

I want to make sure I remind you every time. From what I have seen so far, you know how to treat a woman. Honestly, like I told you when we were together, one thing that a lot of men do not understand, and it seems like you have mastered it, is that when you take care of a good woman, the woman can step into her feminine energy. She feels safe. She is not in survival mode. And so her femininity shows. She is affectionate. She is loving. She takes care of her man. A woman is only masculine when she is forced to be too independent.

She continued with:

So far from what I have seen, you are very manly. I am talking about the way you handle situations. You are quick to think, you are very providing. I am not talking only financially, but you provide solutions. You are the type of man that I feel would stand up in a difficult moment. You are very polite with everyone, which is such a green flag. So attractive. I have told you before. And on top of that, you have excellent manners. I notice the small things. You open the door. You offer to hold my bags when you see they are too heavy. You let me walk on the inner side of the sidewalk. So, so, so attractive.

Final Thoughts. Chivalry isn’t about rules, it’s about presence.

Men get caught up in outdated ideas of what being a gentleman is supposed to look like. But real chivalry isn’t a checklist, it’s an energy. It is about knowing when to lead, when to listen, and when to just be present. You should naturally want to do these things.

So no, you don’t need to throw your coat over a puddle.

But you do need to move with intention. That’s what actually matters in 2025.

Written by Ajani Brathwaite